A Love Lost
by TrulyBeTold
Summary: Sarah discovers a letter addressed to Alison while in Beth's apartment. Sarah only read a line or two, but she knew what kind of letter this was. It will take a couple glasses of Felix's whiskey before she has the nerve to give it to her. SoccerCop, R&R :)


**A/N: I didn't want to write this, but the idea stuck and I couldn't help it. Warning, feels ahead. **

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It was a typical Saturday evening at Felix's, Clone Club meeting in progress. Well, it _was_ in progress, but then Cosima and Felix got to smoking pot. And then, Alison had a glass of wine, that turned into three. And then Sarah decided to join her clones and foster brother in the good time, helping herself to Fee's stash of whiskey.

Sarah couldn't help but smile at the people she considered her family. She grinned ear to ear as Cosima raided Felix's closet, the twosome actually bonding instead of bickering. Felix modeled his kimono, and doubled over in laughter as the dread-locked scientist attempted to walk in his six-inch leather boots. Sarah scanned the flat, spotting a teetering Alison flipping through Felix's sketches. The punk slammed her whiskey, and poured another. Knowing she would need the extra liquid courage.

Coolly sauntering towards the rusty kitchen table where Alison sat, Sarah swallowed hard. "How's the wine treating you?"

"Well, it came from a box, but I can't complain," Alison said, not looking up from the artwork. "He's rather talented, you know."

"Fee's always been the creative one," Sarah smiled, sliding into the chair adjacent to the soccer mom.

Alison glanced up, her brow raised, a smirk across her lips. "And you the rebel."

The Brit flashed a mischievous smile, nodding her head. "Someone had to be." Alison rolled her eyes, continuing to flip through the sketch book. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, as Sarah wondered how to tell her clone what she'd found. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, one hand in her pocket gently holding a crumpled envelope. After four more page turners, Sarah cleared her throat forcefully.

It caught Alison's attention as intended, "Yes, Sarah?" Her brow raised again as she brought the wine glass to her lips for a sip.

"I wasn't sure how to tell you, but I found something today," Sarah began, nerves coiling in her stomach.

"A brain? Moral compass? Cheap boxed wine? Am I getting close?" Alison laughed at her own joke.

Normally, Sarah would snap back with a witty remark. Normally, she'd say something about Alison's LuLuLemons, or how dorky the mom looked driving a mini-van. But, this was not the normal case. She frowned slightly, knowing her next gesture might break Alison. She pulled the envelope from her coat pocket, setting it on the table and sliding it toward the suburbanite. "I found this today. I was going through Beth's stuff earlier, for the watch you wanted," Sarah spoke slowly as she pulled the watch from her other pocket, placing it next to the letter. "And I found that." Alison's eyes were wide, her mind racing with curiosity. The crinkled envelope had penned black ink on the front, simply reading _Alison Hendrix. _

"I figured it was just Club stuff, and it's not," Sarah admitted. "It's a letter. For you."

Alison knit her brow hard, "You read my letter?"

Sarah shook her head fast, a nervous hand brushing through her tangled hair. "No, no. I skimmed, like the first few lines, and then I realized what it was-"

"Which is what?" The soccer mom demanded, gulping her wine.

"Look, I think it's something you just need to read-"

"It's her suicide note, isn't it?" Alison said blankly, her wine glass dry. Her hands were folded over the sketch book, tightly wringing together, waiting for the answer.

The punk sighed heavily, "I think so."

Biting her lip, Alison spoke dryly as she attempted to keep the tears at bay. "Read it to me."

"Oh, Alison, I can't- I can't do that. I'm sure Beth wouldn't have wanted-"

"_You_ didn't know Beth, you pretended to _be_ her, but you did not _know_ her. You don't know what she would have wanted," Alison said brashly, a glint of anger flashing in her eyes. "She isn't here to decide, so read it to me. That's what _I_ want." Her hand was drawn to her face, in the typical Alison fashion of worry and frustration.

Sarah bit her lip, extremely hesitant but unable to say no. Grabbing the envelope, she gingerly opened it to remove the letter. The punk sighed again as she bent open the letter, the thin paper rustling loudly. She swallowed as she began, "_Alison-"_

"No, no. Not with your voice, not with that accent." Alison ordered, her voice barely above a whisper. _"Please, _Sarah."

Sarah's shoulder's drooped as she realized she had never felt so sorry for Alison than she did right now. She could feel the desperation pouring out of the housewife. While her and Alison had major differences, the clone was her family now. Sarah felt compelled to grant the mother's wish: _Read the letter in Beth's voice. _

With a quick cough to clear her throat, Sarah set out to channel Beth's voice and manner as much as possible. She knew reading this would be difficult for both of them.

_"Alison... _

_If you've found this, then you'll know by now that I've taken my life. I know you must have a million questions, but I can only provide a few answers to the questions I think are most important. _

_Ali, the reason... is I just can't do this anymore. The clone chasing has ruined my life. I can't keep it together. First my job, then Paul... Living in a constant state of fear is not living. The pills helped at first, but no matter what combination, it's not working. The things I've done, the things I've learned about _us, _it's too overwhelming. I'm not strong like you. I'm weak, and I'm broken, and... I'm sick. _

_I should have told you, Ali. The symptoms appeared a couple weeks ago, the same ones Katja described. I can barely breathe without pain. Please encourage Cosima to find the rest of you help, she's brilliant. I think she can do it. Rather, I hope so, because I would never want you to experience this sickness. Treatment for the sickness is the only answer worth pursuing. _

_Alison, I know we want answers, but I beg you to please just run. Run somewhere else, take your kids. This clone chasing is so dangerous, and I know you're tough, but I fear for your safety and the safety of Oscar and Gemma. Tell Cos, Katja, and whoever else you find along the way to run, too. It's not worth it. Where the answers lie, so does danger. I'm in too deep and too sick to run. Stay well, and run..._

_I'm sitting here, and a million thoughts are racing through my head. Memories, mostly. Like when we first met, and you almost knocked me unconscious with your left hook. When I taught you how to shoot at the range. The late nights spent in your craftroom over a glass of wine... And how that one night, the one with to many glasses of wine, lead to us being together. How I was so scared to harbor these feelings and thoughts about my genetic identical, and how relieved I felt when you returned my kiss. How every moment spent with you thereafter was the only happiness in my remaining days. _

_I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to figure this clone thing out, to fight the sickness, or be there to protect you. I'm so, so terribly sorry. But, Alison, please know my last remaining shred of energy and sanity was and is spent loving you. _

_I'll love you always, Ali. __You were my truest love in life, and Cosima was the sister I never had. Please tell her I love her, too. _And one day, not too soon, I'll see you both again. 

_-Beth" _Sarah finishes, her voice thick with emotion Sarah was not a sap, but it was the most tragic letter she'd ever read. Her eyes burned with tears, her heart heavy for Alison who had been silent. In her normal accent, she spoke. "Alison."

Alison looked up from Felix's sketches, big tears brimming her eyelids, her lip quivering. "Thank you," she forced out weakly. A sob broke out in the distance, both clones turning their heads to the noise.

On the couch, Cosima cried into Felix's arms heavily, her muffled sobs audible through the entire flat as her body wracked with each shaky breath. Felix, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, silently let tears streak down his cheeks as he rubbed Cosima's back. Automatically, Sarah reached across the table and grabbed Alison's hand. She held onto it tightly, willing herself not to cry. The housewife returned the gesture, nodding to no one in particular as she reached for the letter. She traced Beth's name, her breathing becoming rapid as the first tears fell. She was a few glasses deep, and could care less about her appearance. So, in an un-Alison-like manner, the soccer mom let go. She held the letter and watch tight to her chest, simultaneously squeezing Sarah's hand, and cried.

She cried for Cosima. She cried for Beth. And, for once, she cried for herself.

Alison flinched slightly when she felt a pair of arms around her. It was Sarah. Sarah mumbled through her own tears how sorry she was about Beth, about Alison's loss. The housewife and the punk gripped onto each other, letting their emotions overtake them. It wasn't long before two more pairs of arms joined them, the collective sound of sniffling and sensation of weeping growing stronger.

Together, a family consisting of three very different clones and a foster brother cried in a dingy kitchen over the lost love between a suburban stay-at-home mom and an broken city-dwelling detective.

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**A/N: First time writing in the OB fandom, so let me know what you thought! Read and review, and thank you, Clone Club!**


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